just read a funny post...

the person that wrote it was very funny and had a great sense of humor about the most auquard things that could happen on vacation. neat lady. anyway im a knitter and im having a blank time wiht knitting cos im in frucking pain. the pain is beginning to get to me. im waiting for pills to kick in but they arent working fast enough so im restraining myself from taking more by the scruff of my teeth. im waiting for the meds to kick in so reading funny posts and writing this one. life goes on, o well and yadayadayada.

kloi

wheeeee!

om havin a funny here! today i was called a gearhead! i rose to a new level of geekiness! so im a computer geek and a gearhead!!! yay me! its been a very frustrating day in some ways. i took my dog to go for a run and she tried to jump in a car of a friend of mine and eat her dog. im tired of my dog thinking that she can attack other dogs without consequence. i have to find another way to control her because the head collar she has now already broke a little and it was very hard to control her with it today.

other things are going swimmingly. my knitting is progressing a little faster now thank god. i really need to finish the scarf im working on right now. been having some weird dreams about my mother.i guess i miss her more than i thought but the dreams have been nightmarish. like when she stayed with me and was in full blown Alzheimer's, that was freaky as heck. the thing is she was talking to invisible people and threatening to kill me and herself.. only this time she went for it with that big kitchen knife she had. she listened to the voices and it hurt so much when she stabbed me. i sometimes am afraid to sleep after this kind of dream. it fucks with me big-time. i hate when things like this happen cos of that. so messy. so weird and unsettling. anyway thats all for now. thanks for listening.

kloi

busy month...

so how things going y'all? im hanging out thinking of knitting and wanting to hurry up and finish what i started so it will be done and out of my hair. been thinking about my mother a lot this week. and im angry at her for dying.. and miss her so much at the same time. i dont get it; this constant push-me-pull-you attitude i seem to have wiht my family. its so weird, so crazy, insane that it makes me nuts. it seems sometimes im just plain at war with myself. you know it comes down ot that one saying that threw me the first time i heard it.

'i hate you, dont leave me!'

somehow it's all summed up by that one statement. its also the title of a book about broken relationships... broken marriages, really. but it fits what im going thru too. i definitely had a broken relationship with my mother. anyway thats whats up right now, grief and anger are fighting for my attention when im tryign to read, knit and watch movies all at the same time. gotta love being me.

AAARRRGH!

i am beyond frustrrated and into totally stressed! its time to say fuckaduck damit and scream in a pillow. first i cut one finger while trying to open a package wiht a really *REALLY* sharp leatherman tool; up until then it didn't seem so sharp. anyway things got worse when i tried to open a bottle of superglue to fix my foinmger with cos i cut myu thumb then... AAAAAARGH!!! sooo i tried cutting it open with a smaller tool and was pointing it the wrong wayu and cut my thum,b so two finmgers down on my left hand. then to make matters worse, not learning the lesson from the thuim,b io cut my index finger doing the same thing. and screamed in lots of curses!!! so n ow that ive cut three fingers two on one hand and one on the other and nearly mutilated myself opening the superglue bottle then nedarly stuck my other fingers together.. the shit just keeps getting deeper over here. sorry im blunt and angry and so frustrated and not calm at all. sorry for the typikgn being bac .. bad that is. i cant type om so upset. time to knit but i cant knit very well.. cant evven fricken type. shit!

stuff interferes with life sometime

ive been doing a lot of writing, lately.... then avoiding writing cos of triggers that freak me out. theres a lot that happened in the last few days. i ended up in the hospital for the second time in less than six months with pancreatitis. the cause seems to have been a gall stone passing through my pancreas. i have friends that im supposed to be letting stay here for some time after my inspection. which is freaking me out cos its in 4 days... and its after midnight so its actually in 3 days. im kinda pissy about the fact that my friend didnt do anything except play on my computer while i was in the hospital. what kind of friend is that? a user. im tired of this, so i told him off in a text message. anyway thats all for now. i did knit about two rows while i was in the hospital so i got next to nothing done. dadgumit. o well life goes in and im grumpy. ta for now, kloi

aargh!

my left foot is messed up cos i hyper-extended the three middle toes backwards, forwards and backward again. so they gave me this huge i mean humounguous boot to wear and its freaken summer up here. so if i wear it i break out in a heatrash on my leg, if i dont wear it, my toes kill me cos i keep wiggling them in response to how my wheelchair bounces which is both funny and sucks at the same time. its an oxymoron i guess. rofl!

forgot...

i keep forgetting to post on here but its only cos ive been busy with knitting and not really having much to complain about. so much is still going on. i have a neighbor that wont talk to me anymore so i guess shes the only one i really have a problem with. i got sick and stopped visiting partly cos shes a heavy drinker and i dont know how to respond to her when shes drunk. i get all weirded out and leave without eating or anything.

on other subjects, im almost done with the sweater from hell. yay! im working on all the strings hanging off the insides and then i have to cast off the hood and throw it in the wash before i give it to its new owner. so far so good. then i can move on to some other much needed knitting projects. a couple hats and some socks and other things. woohoo!