i got the grumpies

this is my post to a vent at ravelry.com thought id share it here too.

man people can be so insensative. they think we need the truth. we know the truth and live with it every day damit. harumph! well along with this vent i give some advice or mabye just a different point of view on how to explain fibromyalgia and other autoimmune stuff. so i was talking to my friend the other day and noticed that she had a bruise on her thumb from -guess what? a hammer hitting it instead of the flathead on a nail…. i said to her.. that looks like it hurt. yeah she said it hurt like a sonofabitch… to which i replied imagine that pain not just in your thumb but in your knees and back and ribs and eyeballs… and imagine it never going away again. sometimes its just a mild ache… but usually its a marathon run between the pain and the nausea or hunger it causes cos your body is working overtime to compensate for the pain.. and it hurts so fucking much you wonder how you took your last breathes or if you will still be able to breathe and keep breathing. and sometimes that pain shifts to another part of your body without telling you so you fall down

cos suddenly the pain is just in your knee. your left knee and the pain is so bad you can’t walk or think about walking so you sit. and your friends think its only an excuse that you use when your tirefd but you wish you were tired or the pain would stop or drive you insane if the pain meds tont kick in soon and you cry sometimes but that just adds to the pain cos hten yhour head hurts from crying andyour sinuses are clogged so you can’t breathe or relax cos if you relax the pain takes over so you are battling it by walking anyway and fuck you to anybody that makes a joke about pain and the loss of abilities or anyone that thinks your being lazy so there. so. thats my vent and the way i tell people about what its like to be in this kind of pain all the time. its extreme but sometimes it works and they get it after that. im sorry it turned into a vent but im frustrated and tired. thank you for listening. i wish i didnt have to explain to people about being sick all winter with one thing after another. anyway thank you for listening.

you are my efamily and im happy about the fact you listen adn dont judge.

neglecting things....

i feel like im neglecting things, lately. knitting is getting done and neglected at the same time... oops. also writing is getting neglected too. so much to do so little time. im waiting for a friend to have her baby because im just so busy with other things i feel like im busy being nuts instead of calm but o well its just a feeling, this too shall pass. i just realized im almost finished with the sweater im working on and im very excited about that. so excited i can't stands it no more. anyway im almost done with this sweater and im gonna work at it some more... but first a picture i hope. so thats it. yay!

knitting is fun and restful...

i think im getting close to the end of this sweater ive been working on for over a year. im very excited about almost being done. im about on the opening of the front of the sweater which is the last step til the hood. woohoo im so excited about this. if you wanna view past pictures of it go to www.ravelry.com/people/dragonturtle and look at my projects. its the gray on black sweater on there. anyway im just so excited to almost be done with it woot! its good. tis great, its fun and relaxing too yay!

life happens...

so much is going on in my life right now because of writing about my childhood. i hate the memories it brings up. some of the things that have come up are like a physical blow when i remember what happened. i was writing last night about being bitten by a dog that belonged to one of my babysitters when i was a child. it was physically painful to write about and today im kinda paying for it. ive been writing a lot and the more i write the more stressed out i get. i just have to get thru this. its so difficult to remember the things and people that caused us such pain as children. its just not right. i frickin hate the things that people did to us as children. it sucked.

lots happening...

So, i thought my life was interesting enough before. never take a curse as a joke. someone wished on me to always have an interesting good ting it wasn't an oriental person that cursed me that way or i might be dead now. lol! all joking aside its been a strange few months. ive gone from having walking pneumonia to labyrinthitis, and losing weight then gaining it all back when i got sick because of sleeping all the time. i hate when im sick all the time. it bothers me and ruins my winter. cos how can someone enjoy an entirely cold winter if they're sick and asleep all the time? hmmm?

So,here i am just getting better and the sun is starting to come out and be out more. yay! i love it when the change of season is well reflected. we're already regaining sunlight from the winter. so im on the upswing i guess. feeling better, noticing that the sun is out more, and its getting cold as fudge wihtout chocolate out there. but ya know that february is the coldest month of the year so we'll get thru it. its just gonna take some time.

i feel like my sons are missing a lot by not spending much time with me.. but its not that they are missing me its that.. i dont know, again i have no clue what im trying to say. i miss my older son and wish he would just get a life and get back to talking to me already. my younger son comes and sees me and spends time with me. that makes a big difference in my life. it makes me feel important which is really cool and he thinks im cool even though im a geek. i love my son especially for that. my older son i love him but its the waiting kinda love. its not different just tryingg to be patient while he 'finds himself' which i hope he does real soon. but us moms have to wait and wait and wait sometimes. anyway thats all for now. i hope im not as muddled as i feel right now. thanks for listening.

kloi

well there things are...

so hi there this is yet another blog post. i dont know about you but ive had an interesting time with my family. my older son doesnt talk to me, my younger son doesnt wanna hang out with me. im frustrated by it all and not sure how to deal. sometimes things go really well, others it just hits the floor with a large boom. was working on the view of my blog and whatnot and finally added how much i knitted this month. it seemed like a lot more than i did so i looked it up and fixed the dates to the right dates. now its better. i dont know. im not doing anything spectacular but i think im hoping i'll be done with this sweater im working on by the end of the year.... but thats like, 4 days from now o my! i just have to finish the sleeves and attach them which will take a bunch more time than 4 days. so next year i suppose. thats 5 days away hehehehehe. cool!

wow two posts in a week!

so how y'all doing? im goofing off. tinking of knitting. i cant seem to stop. lol. knitting is my calming tool and my soothing tool other htan my pets. i have cats and a dog. used to have a ferret too and am thinking of getting another one. im kind of up in the air. do i want a ferret or a cavie? i love me some guinnea pigs loveemlovemlovem!!! anyhway thats all for now. i need another baby in the house. i need someone to take care of more i think. anyway ta for now.

kloi