hi y'all.. life's been busy...

knitting and sickness have been haunting my home for a while. and now ive been stuck in the house for over a week cos my electric wheelchair is in the shop. ive gotten so stir crazy that im ready to climb the walls. so now tomorrow i get to go to therapy which will help immensely. cos tomorrow i won't be alone all day with nobody to talk to. i really feel good about tomorrow.

so while ive been sick, i slept a lot, knit a lot and read some. didn't think of much and kept busy as much as i could. but ya know, being busy when sick isn't easy. im glad im not sick anymore. my younger son got married, in January, i think; my older son is still doing stuff that gets him in trouble, by his own choice. so life goes on. anyway, ta for now

oi! busy busy year.

so much is going on around my life that i can hardly believe its already november.. so, lemme see if i can put this all in one big crushed nutshell. my older son keeps getting in trouble with both the law and the local drunks. my younger son is just always on the verge of trouble. however he got engaged to be married. hes in love with this pretty young lady that somehow reminds me of my friends when i was her age. my older son hides behind his disabilities to get more attention and get way with really stupid things. hes been banned from most of the stores in the city of anchorage. and that's a lot of freaken stores. so i have to either tether him to myself or not go to the store while hes visiting. today is a holiday. im not sure which one, but its a holiday. the bus service is regular but the offices are closed.


i wish they would tell us beforehand so we could plan around it. anyway enough about children.. my kids are grown. its kind of funny cos i used to have all the calmness andcenarity in the wrold... anyway i keep falling to sleep while im typing this so off i go for a nap. ta for now

kloi

liffe both sucks and is good at the same time.

well, i found out from my son's probation officer that ralf lied about having leukemia. what a relief that was. but it was also bad because he was using that excuse to try to get emancipated so he wouldnt have to be responsible and grow up. so he got caught in a huge lie. other than that things are better with him.

ok now the bad stuff. my neice, my yonger sister's daughter died on wednesday of a combination of seisure, heart attack and stroke. she was walking up the stairs to her home with her mother and got sick, fell down and started seizing. the seizures caused a heart attack and stroke, which the combination killed her. it was really hard on me that she died this way. parents shouldnt have to bury their children. its horrible and upsetting. thanks for listening.

kloi

moms day...

i have to admit, now that my mother has been dead a few years, it still hurts when mother's day comes around. i miss her. i miss talking to her, telling her jokes and making her laugh. i dont miss her being paranoid at all, other than that one thing, i miss her terribly. its only been about 4 years since she died, it seems like a whole lifetime ago, and at teh same time it seems like only yesterday that i was last talking to her. my sons, however, made it a special day for me by calling or visiting me. it was great to touch base with both of them. its been, mostly a good day, all except right now my ears are bothering me. the weather is sucking the life out of my muscles... the arthritis is killing me, other than those things its going well, and has been all day.

upcoming surgery...

im getting prepared for upcoming surgery on both my knees. gonna have knee replacement surgery on december 8th, depending on if i pass my physical on november 29th. i feel like im kind of in a pickle over all the things i have to do to get ready for this. im trying to find things that will help me get through this whole mess. i feel so stressed out over the surgery. and at the same time im elated at the idea that i will be losing the pain as my knees heal from this surgery.

im so frightened at the same time of the pain being worse than ever after the surgery. i hate pain. i hate it a lot. you know when its consensual play its ok but pain inflicted on me from my own body really, really, REALLY sucks.

just read a funny post...

the person that wrote it was very funny and had a great sense of humor about the most auquard things that could happen on vacation. neat lady. anyway im a knitter and im having a blank time wiht knitting cos im in frucking pain. the pain is beginning to get to me. im waiting for pills to kick in but they arent working fast enough so im restraining myself from taking more by the scruff of my teeth. im waiting for the meds to kick in so reading funny posts and writing this one. life goes on, o well and yadayadayada.

kloi

wheeeee!

om havin a funny here! today i was called a gearhead! i rose to a new level of geekiness! so im a computer geek and a gearhead!!! yay me! its been a very frustrating day in some ways. i took my dog to go for a run and she tried to jump in a car of a friend of mine and eat her dog. im tired of my dog thinking that she can attack other dogs without consequence. i have to find another way to control her because the head collar she has now already broke a little and it was very hard to control her with it today.

other things are going swimmingly. my knitting is progressing a little faster now thank god. i really need to finish the scarf im working on right now. been having some weird dreams about my mother.i guess i miss her more than i thought but the dreams have been nightmarish. like when she stayed with me and was in full blown Alzheimer's, that was freaky as heck. the thing is she was talking to invisible people and threatening to kill me and herself.. only this time she went for it with that big kitchen knife she had. she listened to the voices and it hurt so much when she stabbed me. i sometimes am afraid to sleep after this kind of dream. it fucks with me big-time. i hate when things like this happen cos of that. so messy. so weird and unsettling. anyway thats all for now. thanks for listening.

kloi